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01 August 2010 @ 01:20 am
realisation  
I have come to realise, because of my own stupidity. That the next few days are going to be the most frightening and life changing i've ever experienced.
I've made a decision that if i go through with, will probably haunt me for a long time and if i don't go through with it i fear i will lose everything i've ever wanted.

In the end it is my decision, but not wanting anyone to know about it, its terrifying.
In short, I wish to apologise in advance for how i will be afterwards (even though no-one reads this, its helpful putting it down).
The one person I am truly, utterly and completely grateful for is Craig, for putting up with me and just completely being there as much as he can.

I know i'm a complete fool, i've treated certain people terribly and wrongly and i regret it all. The last few months I have contemplated many harsh things/ends for myself but have come to the decision that that would just be an easy way out and would lead to nobody's benefit.
All that gets me by now is the constant thought that "things happen for a reason" and "it will be better in the end".
 
 
Current Mood: scaredscared